Focusing on the victories

Good news! My husband says he can definitely notice that I am losing weight. That is very encouraging. I need to get motivated for this next week. These last few days, I did not track my food. I seem to only do it for three or four days at a time, and then give up. It is so tedious! Just saying! But I know it helps and it's necessary.

And very little exercise this week, either.

I had one emotional binging time. I had five cookies and a small vegetarian pizza in one meal. It did not feel good to binge and I stopped myself from going further because honestly, I didn't get that much out of it.

Also, on Friday night, I went for dinner with my husband. This was the first time going out with him to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant since I started the weight loss thing again. I had a salad, a chicken kebab, and rice. It was so healthy!!! No fries and it was still so filling. I used to always order chips because I thought it was the only thing that would fill me up, but that meal was so filling!

So, that was a victory. I have to remember the victories instead of just focusing on what I did wrong. This will help me keep going. I have always given up, in the past, because of being discouraged by my failure. But I must encourage myself ... and keep going. I will go forward this week ... and try to do well. Try to eat well, and to move as much as I can.

Trying to be reasonable

This week has been a better week so far for me in regards to the "getting fit" thing! I was feeling very stressed out how I would be able to do it all, and have come to the conclusion that I can't ... do it all, that is. But I will try to do the best I can each day. It might not reach my goals, completely, but it's better than what I was doing last year ... far better. I have to be willing to compromise, somewhat, in order to keep my sanity.

So far this week, I did not get up early to walk ... I was too tired ... but I did walk for about half to three quarters of an hour on Monday and Tuesday evening. It was nice ... I stayed in town after work on Monday and just walked around the town ... a welcome change from dump road.

Also, I have been counting my cals on SparkPeople, and Monday night, I was actually below my recommeneded range by about 200 calories. That is unheard of for me! And it felt good to have quite a bit less food than I am used to.

I am quite sure that my blood sugar had been permanently raised for quite a while because I did so much binging, and it feels like it's not any more. That is a really good feeling.

It is possible ... I see that today ... because of the science ... if I keep doing more of the right things, results will come, eventually.

P.S.  Even if I am not perfect ... !

Better Choices

Well, after being shocked last night at my calorie numbers, I have come to peace with it. I have to just keep trying to make better choices, overall.

For example, if I do indulge in macaroni or potato salad, it should only be a maximum of half a cup a day. That stuff is lethal!

And spits or other nuts: the serving size should be a maximum of half a cup.

And no pastries... I don't crave these but once in a while, I am offered and don't refuse.

In summary, last week I exercised three days out of seven. I ate reasonably four days out of seven. Three days, I went way over my calorie range. So overall, there probably wasn't a calorie deficit for the week. I may have even gained some from the three overeating days. But .... my habits are getting better. My body is getting more used to exercise. I am getting used to being accountable for my eating. And I only did one emotional binge last week.

Overall: Okay.

Oh yeah: one more thing. I asked God to forgive me and heal me from my sin. I know that he forgives me, so I forgive myself for my sins and mistakes. That is important ... to forgive myself, and to move on. This is a new day, and his mercies are new every morning!

Shiloh ...

Well, I brought home a new addition to our family last night: Shiloh! This name has a very rich meaning: place of rest, gift of God, place of tranquility, Messiah .... and I do believe she is a gift from God!

She is beautiful ... but still very afraid of me. She takes off and hides under the couch or behind the TV, and refuses to let me pick her up. The only way to get her to come is to lay still and wait until she ventures close enough to me to grab her. I did this morning, and then whisked her away to our bedroom, and closed the door. This is a smaller space, and she eventually came and lay beside me. She's fine when I'm there beside her, but when we are separated, she makes strange and runs away in a panic.


No pictures .... I have to get our camera working first. But she is gorgeous! A brown-coloured tabby with a hint of orange, with huge rabbit-sized ears, haha!

My style is Dramatic Modern

I had read about a quiz over at "Homegoods" from another blogger, Leann, from

http://simplydandy.blogspot.com/, which tells you your design style. I love quizzes! Here is the result:

Sharilee, you are a Dramatic Modern

You keep up with culture, style, and trends, but have a classical appreciation for beautiful forms and well-made, functional objects. You are inspired by good design and quality craftsmanship, but have a sense of the theatrical and the fun. You liven things up and infuse personality into your rooms. You like how something ornate mixes with modern, or how daring flourishes, like bold color or a wild pattern, can inject some humor and contrast to the serious, straight lines of modern pieces. You are a style leader, and your friends look to you for advice. You are not afraid of glamour. Because you embrace color, art, and elegance, your home makes a happy impact.

 You value serenity. While there are probably a lot of interesting things in your home, they are joined by your taste or a certain palette that keeps them in harmony. You appreciate the beauty in simple forms. Whether fancy or plain, you appreciate things that are well made and function as well as they look. You also have a strong respect for the environment and craftsmanship. You care about how things are made, and how they are used.

That does sound a lot like me! Right  now, my home doesn't always reflect my style, but it does sound a lot like me when I was single, and decorated just for myself. 


Here's the link if you want to try it:

http://www.homegoods.com/hghq_quiz.asp

Have fun!

Conservation of Energy

I just finished reading an excellent post of a friend:

http://melissavenableweightloss.blogspot.com/2009/09/it-will-become-my-lifestyle.html.

In this post, a friend of hers gives an explanation for the reason that it is so hard to exercise and eat right at the same time: conservation of energy. Here is the quote:

"Conservation of productivity. It's one of those physics laws that states that the total amount of productivity in a closed system must remain constant.The only solution is to quit your job and reallocate that productivity towards healthy living."

Wow!!! That is such a brilliant explanation!!!! So, we can only be productive in so many ways, and adding things means deleting things! Basically. So, I have deleted TV from my life (my husband and I cut the cable in August to save money), but what else? I went off of another site I used to frequent, Polyvore, to make more time for my priorities. But now I blog and do SparkPeople. 

But are there other things I need to delete? I have to clean the house, shop, do laundry, shop for groceries, cook, do dishes, go to work, work after school marking, preparing lessons, and doing adminstrative duties, keep up with my sister and kids, spend time with my stepkids (part-time), sleep, exercise, try to eat right, Worship and give time to my LORD .... that's just a random list. What can I delete? Plus organize, declutter and try to bring order to my house. Tell me, what do I delete?

Got Cat?

Ahhhh! Wow!!! This is funny! I started out writing this entry to express my frustration at not being able to get a cat because of how small our home is. Then, I called my husband and he suggested putting the litter box in the bathroom, behind the door. A perfect place!

And then I talked to the lady who's giving them away, and decided that I am getting a kitten! yay!!!! So excited! I love cats so much. Have to think about what to name her.


I would really like to get a cat door put in our back door. We also need a porch and a new door in the back, because that door is sealed off.

I'm a bit nervous, though, because it is more work, in some ways. Just hope that she behaves well, and adjusts to our home nicely. By the way, this isn't a picture of her, but just of a kitten. I haven't actually seen her yet!

My week

Well, this week was a step in the right direction. I started teaching again this week, and I was at work very late getting things ready, and didn't get much sleep this weekend. Overall, the week was a step in the right direction. On Tuesday morning, I walked my hour before school, at 4:30 a.m. It was nice, and I really enjoyed the morning air. The unfortunate part was that it meant only getting about 2 hours sleep. I stayed up until two, just excited and nervous about starting work again, and then went into the school right after I worked out. So, I was very tired by that night.

The next morning, Wed, I got up and did about half an hour of Pilates, and then went to work. Well, by Thurs, I was exhausted that I slept in more, and got up in time to do 15 minutes of aerobic-type exercising on my own. And by Friday, today, I was so tired that I couldn't force myself out of bed until 45 minutes before work, and barely dragged my buns into the shower. Well, the week started well, but I petered out from exhaustion. I have to find a way to pace myself to stick with this on a consistent basis. I thought that exercising would give me more energy, but it's not enough yet to make me all energetic and dying to get up.

And my eating has improved. I joined the website, SparkPeople, and have started keeping track of my calories. This practise alone has really helped me to start being aware of what I am eating, and leading me to eat less. I did have a binge of macaroni salad on Wed night, but having to account for it was great for making me face it, and move on. I did not carry the guilt around with me all the next day, but instead let go, and forgave myself. This is a big improvement for me.

I am set up with SparkPeople to eat between 1800 and 2200 calories. I hope this is a right figure for me. I also am scheduled to do five hours of cardio a week. This week, I have almost reached this goal because of going with the P.E. Class at school, taking part in a bit of the tennis and walking to the tennis courts.

This month, my leg has been swelling up like crazy. I have had two blood clots and it swelling up like it did when I had my blood clots. I can't afford to get a blood clot right now, because I need to work, and to lose weight! I am wondering if it is my calves swelling up from the pressure of carrying all this weight around while walking.

It is just one thing after another. I take two steps forward, and one back. I am going a bit forward, though. I am far better than I was two months ago. It's just frustrating that it can't be faster.

Woohoo!

Well, last night I got the bedroom done! It looks beautiful, and freshly decorated ... like a completely different room! And, it was all decorated with stuff I found while decluttering! Ha, ha ... yet another advantage to decluttering ... finding tons of stuff!

My husband loved it, too, and we had such a wonderful sleep in our cozy, romantic bedroom. I feel good that I met my goal ... to have things in order before I went back to work. We both spent all day Monday "labouring" in the house ... and it's great. We have about 10 or more garbage bags full of stuff that we purged ... ready to go out, when we can borrow the truck.

And I did feel so much better today, knowing that my bedroom was so peaceful and organized at home. And the rest of the house is not far behind. It feels so good ... !!!!!

Well, I have to run to get back to work tonight. Adios!!!

Dawn

Well, I feel pretty excited right now. I walked/hiked about 2.5 miles this morning .... starting at 4:30 a.m. before work. Yes, 4:30 a.m.! It was actually wonderful ....

Frogs, crickets sing in quiet harmony,
Steady rhythm puslates
From their tiny, faithful throats ...

Time before daylight
I walk to the sound of the dawn.

Soft grass grows and mingles with the rough ground,
The sweet smell envelopes
Me in its fecund delights.

Time before daylight,
I walk in the freshness of fall.

I breath in the air, and breath out my troubles,
Embracing the freedom
That solitude brings.

Time before daylight,
I stroll in the quiet of night.

Praise to Lord Jesus, my Creator and Lord,
Hallelujah, He's risen,
And he fills my heart.

Time before daylight,
I walk to the song of the Son.

Time before daylight,
I walk to the song of the dawn.

That's kind of how it was this morning ... so beautiful! I find it easier to express in poetic form than prose.

But it was really nice ... and then after that I went to work. My legs are still really sore, but I am glad I did it.

Bedroom

I tried to get the bedroom cleaned this afternoon ... there has been a huge pile of stuff in there ever since we moved in and I have never been able to get fully sorted. I get about half-way there, and then get busy, and then pow ... there's another pile just as big as the one there was before. It drives me nuts, to put it mildly.

Tonight, I almost got done, but ran out of light. And my husband was napping, so I couldn't finish. How do women do it? Keep the house on top of everything else there is to do in life. Sometimes it feels impossible. ...


I do believe, though, that if my house was in order, I would feel more competent in every area of my life. I truly believe that. That is why I am putting my focus on that right now, in spite of other things I could be doing ... important, as well. I just want to have this home a place of order and peacefulness! And beauty.

We are also still doing renovations, which has created a huge mess on top of the one that was already there. So, this summer, I did sort through quite a bit of mess. But a  bunch more got added on. Is it possible to do renovations that don't turn the whole house upside-down? Have others done it?

Is it possible to have a neat, ordered home, even when you are super-busy and juggling so much? I do believe! I have seen others do it!

Feeling Sore

I am feeling extremely sore from the exercise I did three days ago. It feels like I ran a marathon! I hope this is normal ... I am sure it is, but it's a bit disconcerting. I mean, all I did was walk and do some pilates! Walk, for crying out loud! Very slowly! To be honest, this soreness is discouraging. It feels like everything is such a big deal ... nothing is easy right now! And I can barely walk around the house. It feels like I am going to need a week to recover from every workout!!!!!! Yikes!!!!

This weight loss thing is such a slow, wearying process. I had read a post from "Escape from Obesity" which chronicles what she is doing, and how it has been a slow process for her, but she's doing it month by month. Reading her story gives me courage. She emphasizes that it is slow, but it does work.

http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-i-am-doing-it.html

Right now, I am the heaviest I have ever been. I am experiencing things I never have before. I guess this inappropriate soreness is one of them. So is the absolutely overwhelming exhaustion that I feel so much of the time.  I thought it was because I was so busy, but I hate to admit that it's more likely because I am fat. This is kind of humiliating, but it's better to face the truth.

What gives me hope is that others (like the writer of "Escape from Obesity,") are doing it, and having success. It is possible, although it doesn't feel like it is.

I just hope that this the extreme fatigue from working out does not last, because my life already makes me tired. Arrrghhhhh!!!! Whine, whine, whine!

Met Someone in the Blog World!

Well, I met someone in Blog World! And I am really thrilled. She writes a blog called, "Try Try Again," and she, too, has about 100 lbs or so to lose, like me.

She is also interested in education (studying to be a teacher), is a newlywed like me, and loves drama, like me. I started this blog just for my own personal journal, but also secretly hoped to find a kindred spirit. 

Well, the LORD has answered my desire with someone who lives in a different country than me, but is so close via the blogger program. She even mentioned me in her blog, and it was cool! As someone brand new to blogging, I feel excited. Here is the link:

http://melissavenableweightloss.blogspot.com/2009/09/new-friend.html

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to talk to someone who understands and gets what I am going through. Sometimes that is what we need most of all ...  fellowship in our journey ... not lectures and not quick answers, but fellowship. And I thank God for this. Hallelujah, He is my provider!

What I am Learning About Weight Loss

Well, my head is spinning right now with ideas. I've been doing some research tonight on Pilates and also reading a book called, "The Abs Diet: the Six Week Plan to Flatten Your Stomach and Keep You Lean for Life," by David Zinczenko. David is the Editor-in-Chief of Men's Health magazine. (Or at least he was when this book was written, in 2004.)

I've been learning, and re-learning a lot. (I did read this book, which has been sitting on my shelf, a year or two ago, but had forgotten some of it.) 

This book teaches me some new things, and also confirms some of the stuff I have been learning on the copious amount of websites I have been "digesting" lately about exercise, weight loss and diet. This what I do whenever I am interested in something ... mega-research. The problem is, though, is that I tend to not write it down or organize it all. I just consume it (burp) and hope to retain it all. 

This one of the reasons I am looking forward to the blog. It gives me a place to regurgitate some of these great idea-stuffs, and organize them on paper. If someone else eventually benefits, too, even better!

So, what, briefly, did I learn tonight? The book confirms that my plan is good: some kind of strength training (for me, Pilates) and some aerobics. Strength training causes a metabolism burn (burning calories) for the next 48 hours! That's good stuff! This confirms what I had been reading on several sites lately.

Also, to eat shakes, he says, is very good. This has been what I've been doing for the last year. (Although I got a bit slack this summer.) This confirms that I can stick to my shakes. I was beginning to wonder because I was eating shakes all year, but actually gained weight. But my eating for the other 23 hours of the day, and lack of exercise was causing the problems. 

The shakes were good...some of the best food. Mine are usually made up of 2 scoops of whey protein, milk, yogurt sometimes, hemp, and fruit if I have it. Yes, I said hemp. Apparently, this is a wunderkid food ... great for Omegas and a host of other things. So, those are good. Good!!!

What else? That milk, low fat, is good for you. (There have been countering opinions on that one.) But the calcium is very good for you because it is thought to break down body fats. Good! I am a huge milk fan. I am going to keep going through this book. Here's the link:

http://www.absdiet.com/uof/absdiet/withemail/

Also, I learned a bit more about Pilates online, from the following book called Pilates, by Rael Isacowitz. Here is the link:

http://www.amazon.ca/Pilates-Mr-Rael-Isacowitz/dp/0736056238/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251789068&sr=8-2,

I learned that Pilates is considered a whole lifestyle, designed to make your whole life better, by teaching you balance, harmony, etc.  Wow! I'm not surprised ... I love it. It feels so wholesome, like my whole body is coming into alignment. 

I did Pilates tonight, after walking my route. It felt great. I was able to do more of the workout than last time. Ouch! The work on my abdomen is very intense and extremely difficult. But it felt great! After three days of no exercise, I did two hours tonight. Wow!

What a great way to end the day. Take care everyone.